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What does an apology look like?

I have been fighting a personal battle for some time. I am part of a group of people who love each other, but have found themselves in a massive misunderstanding. Feelings have been hurt and communication has ceased. Completely stopped. I have had to come to some very hard realities in this point of my life, I can’t fix everything. Communication takes two. Wouldn’t it be nice if people and feelings were like a puppet show? You would say your part and then you could get the other party to tell you what you needed to hear to be okay. It’s hard to recover quickly when you have been attacked. It is hard to trust and “get over” pain that has only happened to you. My experience, only mine. The lashes that have cut so deep and so frequently, you might think the attacker is enjoying seeing your pain.
I had someone very dear to me, finally approach me. Someone who hurt me terribly, but I truly believe it was not intentional. They made an effort to apologize and understand and talk about all the hard things. The meeting was welcomed. I have been aching for connection, communication, a desire to love again. I was curled up tight, in the corner, that night. I didn’t feel weak, I just felt ready to defend myself. No sides of me were going to be exposed. I was protecting myself. The meeting ended beautifully, but healing takes time.
I haven’t known how to welcome this person back into my life, into my family’s life. Will they hurt me again? What if this? What if that? But this particular relationship is very important to me, how am I going to be okay again?
I love when clarity comes at the most unexpected moment. This dear person has made two positive connections with me and my family. The way I apologize is not the only available way to apologize. They reached out with positive communication, maybe that’s an apology? The Soul Restoration Curriculum reminds us that everyone should be loved and met where they are, not where you need them to be.
And maybe, if we keep having positive connections, more communication and trust will happen. If I stay in my shell waiting for someone to “figure out” what my form of apology is, the relationship could be lost. We are not mind readers, we are all doing the best we can with what we know how to do. I realized if I don’t reach back to them, they will conclude that I don’t want them in my life. I want them in my life, so it requires me to forgive, have courage, trust and let go. To start anew.
Some of our most meaningful relationships can bring our greatest hurt. We all have a need to feel loved, understood and safe. We all deserve to be at peace in our life. It is a journey of humility and learning. Some relationships are meant to end, but some require us to meet them half way.
Sending love your way. We are all in this together.

3 thoughts on “What does an apology look like?

  1. I have learned this very thing in my own life in reconciling with a loved one. The bottom line is the want of connection and the need to move forward in healthy and protective of us and fully gracefilled ways towards the ones we are needing that connection back with.
    It sure takes being Brave. 😉

  2. “Some of our most meaningful relationships can bring our greatest hurt.” Yes, Indeedy. As we grow in age and wisdom, certainly our relationships change, as we ourselves evolve. We expect that some friendships will wane, or move into that of more “acquaintance-ship”, yet “blips on the radar” of those closest friendships…can be shocking and painful. I think of one in particular, which has thankfully been rectified, and remember the best, healing words, after years of silence: “Can we just open this book up, turn the page to a new chapter…and start over?” We did. I hope you and your friend can, also, Ms. WonderSoul!

  3. Love this Amy. From an experience I’m navigating theses could have been my words. Wow. This has been my approach and although it still hurts, I chose forgiveness and a different type of relationship is happening. I ache for the former. But I’d rather have this than nurturing hurt, misunderstanding, unforgiveness, bitterness and hate in my heart.

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